


Homecoming

by insertcoolname13



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, F/M, I don't have the patience for it, Longing, Manipulation, Pining, Redemption, Return from the dark side, Sexual Tension, Smut, and back again, not a slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-06-08 07:57:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 18,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6846088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insertcoolname13/pseuds/insertcoolname13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren has returned to the light. Will it last?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Started out as a one shot but it has taken on a life of its own. Probably won't be as long as Ghosts. Enjoy!

Kylo Ren had come back to the light. He’d flown to the base one morning, exiting the ship with his hands up in surrender. He’d claimed to be done with Snoke, done with the First Order. He said he wanted to come home. He said he’d finally given in, that the call to the light was stronger than the darkness. After a long talk with Master Luke, he’d been allowed to stay.

               “He’s telling the truth,” Luke had told the General.

               “So you think he can be trusted?” General Organa asked. Her face was impassive and stony but she couldn’t hide the hope in her voice. She desperately wanted to believe her son.

               “I didn’t say that,” Luke cautioned his sister. “The dark side of the force is like an addiction, it’s easy to be drawn back in. He means what he says for now but that doesn’t mean it won’t change.”

               Leia frowned. “Then what should we do? He’s my son, I can’t just send him away. That might be all it takes to send him back to Snoke.”

               “It’s hard to say,” Luke admitted. “Maybe we should let him stay but we’ll have to watch him closely. At least until he proves himself. Rey and I will move our training here, so I can help keep an eye on him.”

               Rey, who had been quietly observing up to this point, was indignant. “You two are just going to let him stay here? After all he’s done? One little apology and all is forgiven?” She was beginning to yell. “Have you forgotten about Han? About Finn? He’s still in a coma because of that monster.”

               Luke was calm, as usual. “Rey, it’s our duty to help him. It’s true, he’s done terrible things. But if he were to truly come back to the light, if he were to help fight the First Order, just think of all the good he could do.”

               “You do what you want. I won’t have anything to do with him.” Rey crossed her arms, daring Luke to challenge her. The Jedi only smiled.

               “I think that will prove difficult since he’s going to be training with us,” he said.

               Rey couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Training with us? Why the hell would he train with us?”

               “It’ll be good for him,” Luke insisted. “And if he’s training with us all day, I’ll be able to keep an eye on him.”

               Rey turned to the general. “General Organa,” she pleaded. “If Kylo is staying here, it should be in a cell. You can’t just let him walk free!”

               Leia sighed. “There’s no easy answer, Rey. If he wants to change, I think he should be given a chance.” She walked over to Rey and placed a hand on her shoulder. She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Han is gone, nothing is going to bring him back. But my son is alive. If there is a chance that he could come home for good, Rey, I have to take that chance.”

               Rey felt guilty. The general had been hurt the most by Kylo Ren, yet she still had faith in him. She believed he could change. The least Rey could do was try. But that didn’t mean she had to like it. “Fine,” she said. “I’ll train with him but I don’t trust him. I don’t think he’ll stay but I’ll do all I can to help. I promise.”

               Leia nodded. “That’s all I can ask of you, Rey.”

               Suddenly, Poe Dameron walked into the room. “General Organa,” he said. “Kyl..Be..I mean, your son is on his way to see you.”

               Leia’s eyes went wide. “Oh, um, send him in I guess.”

               Luke gently grabbed Rey’s arm. “Come on Rey, we’ll give them some privacy.”

               Rey glanced back at the general, before following her master out.

               “Master,” she said once they had left. “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll go visit Finn for a little while.”

               “Of course,” said Luke. “I’ll come find you later.”

               Rey nodded, then headed in the direction of the infirmary. Finn was in his usual spot, lying perfectly still in his bed.

 “How’s he doing?” she asked the nearest doctor.

“He seemed a little more responsive today,” she said with a smile. “I don’t think it will be too much longer before he wakes up.”

               The doctor walked away, leaving Rey and Finn alone. Rey reached out and grabbed Finn’s limp hand. “I don’t know if you’ve heard,” she whispered. “But he’s here. I promised the general I’d help keep an eye on him.” She looked down at Finn’s sleeping face. “I don’t know how I’m going to be able to handle it. I don’t know how I’m going to look at his face every day.” She sighed. “But I promised General Organa. You should see her, Finn. She’s got so much hope. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so happy.” Rey reached down and fluffed Finn’s pillow. “I just hope it doesn’t all end badly for her. If it does, if he hurts her, I just may have to kill him myself.”

              

              

              

 

                

              

              


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snoke is calm, Kylo reflects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really looking forward to this fic, should be really different from my last multi fic. Still angsty of course because it's me! Comment and enjoy.

The news of Kylo Ren’s defection spread quickly. Leaving the First Order, though rare, was certainly not unheard of. After all, FN-2187 had fled the previous year. But he’d been a lowly Stormtrooper, a fairly insignificant cog in the machine. There were plenty more like him. Kylo Ren was a different story. He’d been Snoke’s protégée, his star. He’d been Master of the Knights of Ren, a high ranking commander. He was the grandson of Darth Vader. Ren’s defection was not only an embarrassment; it was a tragedy for the First Order. Though it pained Hux to admit it, Kylo Ren had been extremely important to the organization. The intimidation factor alone had made him worth having around. The loss was devastating. And what had he left for? To go home to his mommy? It was completely pathetic. Hux said as much to the Supreme Leader. He’d gone to Snoke as soon as he heard the news. Of course, the Supreme Leader already knew. To Hux’s surprise, he hadn’t seemed overly concerned. In fact, he’d seemed almost calm. He’d laughed at Hux’s bewilderment.

               “You seem confused General,” he chuckled. “What was it you were expecting from me?”

               “I just...I’d been expecting you to be a bit more upset.” Hux prayed he hadn’t offended the Supreme Leader. He could be unpredictable. Luckily, the giant had only smiled.

               “And why would I be upset?” he’d asked.

               “Well, though I didn’t care for Ren personally, he was an important figure for the First Order. We’ve lost a lot.”

               “We’ve lost nothing,” Snoke insisted. “This is temporary.”

               Hux was even more perplexed. “Temporary? What do you mean, Sir?”

               “Exactly what I said, General. Kylo Ren won’t be away for long. Do you think he’ll be accepted by the resistance?        His mother will take him back of course, his uncle will as well. But the average resistance fighter? Of course not. Returning home will not be what he imagines. Kylo Ren craves acceptance, recognition. He won’t get it there.”

               “So you believe he’ll return?”

               “I’m certain of it. Even now, the dark side calls to him. Sooner or later, he’ll give in.”

               “Supreme Leader, what if he doesn’t?” Hux dared to venture. “I know it’s unlikely but…”

               “He will.” Snoke looked almost nostalgic, as if recalling a fond memory from long ago. “I brought him over once, General. I can certainly do it again.”

               Far away, on the resistance base, Kylo Ren lay in bed. They’d given him private quarters, plain and somewhat small but much more than he deserved. He should have been in a cell or maybe an execution chamber. Coming home had been hard and things were only going to get worse. They’d kept everyone away from him today, allowing he and Leia some privacy for their painful reunion. But that couldn’t last. Tomorrow, he’d have to face everyone. His mother and uncle had been bad enough. Luke had spoken in a low, calm voice, explaining that he understood the temptation. He said the dark side was powerful and its call was strong. He’d said Kylo must be incredibly strong to have broken away. Uncle Luke said he was glad to have him back. He’d hugged him. Leia had been even worse. She’d cried, something she hadn’t done in Kylo’s memory. She’d said she loved him. She’d said she was sorry for any pain she may have caused him. She said she forgave him. She’d hugged him too and kissed him on the forehead, the way she did when he was a child.

               He knew he didn’t deserve their forgiveness; he didn’t deserve their love. But he also knew that coming home was the right thing to do. It had all become too much, he’d lost touch with himself. He’d begun to let the darkness consume him, to turn him in to something he wasn’t. It was the scavenger girl that had woken him up. He’d seen himself in her eyes, seen the monster he was becoming. He couldn’t get her out of his head. Her light called to him, drawing him away from the dark. Now he was back. It was time to face what he’d done, no matter how painful it might be.

              

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The training begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on tumblr for more Reylo!

Rey took her time getting ready the next morning. She pulled on her clothes slowly and laced her boots at a leisurely pace. Brushing and arranging her hair normally only took a few minutes, Rey made it last fifteen. Though she rarely made her bunk, Rey took the time to smooth down the covers and fluff her pillow. She wandered down to the mess and nibbled on some fruit, making sure to eat as slowly as possible. After all, the longer she took with her morning routine, the longer she could put off meeting Master Luke. And, more importantly, the longer she could put off meeting Kylo Ren. Today was the day they were to begin their training.

               Finally, Rey could put it off no longer. She left the base and found Luke waiting in their designated spot, beneath a large tree. Kylo Ren was nowhere to be seen.

               “Did he go back to Snoke already?” she asked.

               Luke smiled, ignoring Rey’s cheek. “Not that I’m aware of. My guess is he’s doing the same thing as you this morning, dragging his feet. He didn’t seem any happier about this arrangement than you. But he’ll be here. He knows it’s part of the deal.”

               As if on cue, Kylo approached the pair. He was dressed in his usual robes but wore no mask. Staring at his feet, he shuffled awkwardly and said nothing. Luke was right, Kylo didn’t look particularly thrilled to be there either. The thought irritated Rey. The monster should be grateful for whatever deal he was given.

               Finally, Kylo cleared his throat and spoke. “Well, here I am Uncle. I understand you and the scavenger are going to be babysitting me.”

               “My padawan’s name is Rey,” Luke said firmly. “You’ll address her as such. And we aren’t just here to watch you. Coming back from the dark is incredibly difficult, you’ll need to be retrained. Think of this as a sort of rehabilitation.”

               “Don’t lie,” Kylo snapped. “I know my other put you up to this. She doesn’t trust me.”

               “And why would she?” Rey snapped. “You’ve proved so trustworthy in the past. It’s not like you killed your father or anything.”

               “Rey,” Luke warned.

               “No,” Kylo interrupted. “Let her speak. I want to hear what she has to say.”

               “You shouldn’t even be here,” Rey began. “After all the shit you’ve pulled, you should be awaiting your fucking execution. But instead, your mother and uncle showed you mercy and you aren’t even grateful. No, instead you complain about people not trusting you.” Rey gave a short laugh. “As if you’ve given them a reason to.”

               “I came back, didn’t I?” Kylo snapped. “I left the First Order. You all act like that means nothing.”

               “It’s not enough,” Rey snarled. “It doesn’t make up for what you’ve done. You nearly killed my friend!”

               “That’s enough.” Luke said. “None of this is helping. Let’s get to work.” He began to talk, rambling on about some kind of meditation technique. But Rey didn’t hear a word, she could feel Kylo’s eyes fixed on her. They bored into the back of her skull, making it impossible to focus on anything else. She finally turned, expecting to see him glaring at her with hatred. He wasn’t. Instead, he was gazing at her with something like admiration. Maybe even respect. There was something else too, something she couldn’t quite figure out.

               “Rey,” Master Luke said. Rey snapped back to reality. “Are you with us?”

               “Yes Master,” Rey answered. _Just forget about it_ , she scolded herself. _It doesn’t matter. Who cares what he thinks?_ The scary part was, she was beginning to think she might.

               When training finally finished for the day and Rey walked back to the base, Kylo followed closely behind. He seemed to want to say something, opening his mouth, then closing it repeatedly. Then, when it came time for them to part ways, he finally spoke up.

               “I like you Rey,” he admitted. “You just might be the only honest person on this base.”

               Rey was confused. “What do you mean?”

               “Everyone here hates me, just like you. But do you think any of them are going to be honest about it? No, they’re going to talk behind my back and complain to their superiors. No one has the guts to confront me.” He smiled, the first time Rey had seen him do so. “That’s why I like you, you’re not afraid to be honest. You say what’s on your mind.” With that he walked off, leaving Rey with plenty to think about. She turned and walked toward the infirmary. It was time to visit Finn.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little heated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all enjoying the story. Let me know what you think!

Rey had never cared much about her appearance.  As a scavenger on Jakku, she’d always been too busy fighting for survival to worry about how she looked. Her clothing had always been simple and functional, her hair pulled back to keep it out of her face. No one on Jakku stayed clean for long, everyone, including Rey, was always covered in sand. As Luke Skywalker’s padawan, she no longer had to struggle for survival but her life was anything but extravagant. Jedi were expected to live modest, pure lives with little concern for appearance or material processions. They were supposed to be above physical attraction and were forbidden from forming romantic attachments. Which meant Rey was currently breaking multiple rules.

                As she spent more time with Kylo, she was beginning to see him…differently. She found herself rising earlier, taking the time to wash her face and fuss with her hair. She’d begun to worry about things that had never mattered before. Why was she so clumsy and awkward? Why did she sweat so much when she trained? Why didn’t her hair ever stay neat? And most importantly, what had come over her? Was she going insane? This was Kylo Ren, the monster who’d kidnapped and interrogated her. The man who’d nearly killed Finn. Or was it? The man who trained with her was witty, with a dry sense of humor. He loved to meditate and could spend hours reading a holobook. He helped her with her forms and made her laugh. No, this certainly wasn’t the same creature that had attacked her on Starkiller. That didn’t mean he was completely changed, Kylo was far from perfect. He had a quick temper and often lashed out, particularly at Master Luke. Kylo was also prone to fits of melancholy, suddenly growing sad and withdrawn, refusing all company. He often seemed distracted, as though his mind were far away. Although Rey knew these things worried the general and Master Luke, they didn’t bother her. She knew she had plenty flaws of her own.

               Rey attempted to hide her feelings. She avoided Kylo when they weren’t training. When Luke mentioned him, she rolled her eyes. She complained about him just as loudly as before. However, Luke wasn’t fooled. He cornered Rey after dinner one night and insisted on speaking to her alone. He’d taken her on a walk outside the base, away from any eavesdroppers. Once they reached the large tree, he stopped.

               “Rey,” he began. “I can sense your feelings for my nephew. I know you’ve grown to care for him.”

               Rey blushed, embarrassed. She should have known better than to try to hide something from Master Luke. “I have,” she admitted. There was no point in lying. She braced herself for Luke’s reaction.

               “I’m not angry,” he assured her. “I’m concerned. Rey, my nephew is… unstable. Even if it were not against the Jedi code, a relationship with him wouldn’t be a good idea.” He sighed. “He’s still very dangerous.”

               “I don’t think you have to worry about that,” said Rey. “Just because I have feelings for him doesn’t mean he feels the same way. I’m nothing to him but a scavenger.” Even as she spoke, Rey knew that wasn’t true. In her mind, she saw the way Kylo looked at her. She felt his hands on her arm as he guided her movements. She felt the warmth of his rare smile.

               “I know he does, I sense his feelings the way I sense yours.” Luke shook his head. “It’s too dangerous,” he said again. “He might hurt you.”

               Rey was irritated. “I can look after myself. I’m not a child.”

               “Even if it wasn’t the case, romantic love is forbidden to jedi. Temptation is natural, Rey but you must resist it.”

               “And if I don’t want to?” she snapped.

               “Then I’m afraid your days as my padawan are over.” Luke sounded sad. “I want to teach you, Rey but if you won’t follow the rules I’ll have no choice. Being a jedi means making sacrifices.”

               “Then maybe I don’t want to be a jedi.” Rey didn’t know why she was acting this way. Luke’s calm demeanor was only aggravating her more.

               “Don’t give up on everything you’ve worked for, not for him.”

               “What do you mean by that?” Rey asked.

               “I just mean that you’ve worked so hard and I’d hate to see it go to waste.”

               “You mean I shouldn’t waste myself on him?” Rey was furious. “Kylo’s right, he came back. He came home to his family. But you all still view him with suspicion. You don’t trust him and you never will.”

               “That’s no reason to abandon your training.”

               “Maybe I’m just tired of an old man trying to control me. I never had any choices on Jakku, no freedom. Now that I’ve left, I want to be able to make my own choices.”

               “Please,” Luke pleaded. “Don’t do anything drastic. Take some time to make this decision.”

               “I already have.” Rey turned and walked back towards base.

               “Where are you going?” Luke asked.

               “I’m free now,” she called back. “It’s really none of your business.”

 

              

                             

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's smut time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Working on my smut writing skills, this was a nice exercise. As usual, comments are appreciated. Thanks for reading!

Rey stomped into the mess, still fuming with anger. Scanning the room, she saw Poe sitting with a few other pilots at a corner table. Rey marched over.

               “Poe!” she snapped.

               The pilot looked up, obviously surprised. Rey may have been outspoken but she hardly ever lost her temper or acted rashly. The girl standing above him didn’t look like Rey at all, she seemed deranged. Feral. He was almost afraid of her.

               “Rey, are you alright?” he managed to ask.

               “Kylo,” she hissed, ignoring the question. “Have you seen him?”

               “Um, I think he went back to his room for the night. Why?”

               Rey ran off without answering, not stopping until she reached General Organa’s barrack. She barged in without knocking. The general’s rooms were empty. She was in a strategy meeting. Rey pushed open the door to Kylo’s room, finding him sitting on his bed reading a holobook.

               “Rey,” he said as he put the book aside. “What are you doing here?”

               Rey didn’t answer. She walked over to the bed. Without speaking, she took Kylo’s face in her hands. Emboldened by anger and pent up lust, she kissed him hard. To her relief he kissed her back, pulling her into his arms and running his fingers through her hair. He moved his lips to her neck, then down to her collar bone. Rey pushed him gently on to his back. She lay on top of him and began grinding against him, feeling how hard he was. She moaned and was thrilled to hear Kylo do the same. He pushed his hand up Rey’s shirt, exploring her skin with a light touch. His hand crept toward her breast, Rey grabbed it and pulled it the rest of the way. She pulled away for a moment to yank her shirt over her head. Nothing seemed real. She’d done this a few times before but this was different. Those had been clumsy, hurried affairs that had given her little satisfaction. She hadn’t moaned like this. She hadn’t felt this way, like she was burning. Like she’d die if he stopped touching her.

               “Take off your shirt,” she whispered.

               “Yes ma’am.” Kylo grinned, all too eager to comply. He unclipped his belt, throwing it to the floor. His shirt came next. He pulled Rey against him. She made a small noise of satisfaction at the feeling of his skin against hers. Kylo pulled off his pants next, throwing them into the growing pile on the floor. Rey stopped, considering. Did she really want to do this? There was no going back.

               “Are you ok?” Kylo asked. “Do you want to stop?”

               Rey made her choice. “Hell no,” she growled as she shucked her own pants.

               “What about Luke?” he asked. “What about your training?”

               “Fuck training,” she said. “I know what I want.”

               “I know what I want too.” Kylo pulled off Rey’s undergarments and tossed them aside. He lowered his face between her legs, licking and sucking until she cried out. Kylo slid two fingers inside her, working her clit with his thumb. Rey threw her head back and sighed. She rolled Kylo on to his back, sliding off his underwear. Climbing on top of him, she lowered herself on to his cock and began to move.

               “Oh fuck,” Kylo whined. “Oh Rey.” He reached up and dug his finger nails into her back. She cried out in a mixture of pain and pleasure.

               Rey began to pant, moving up and down slowly at first, then faster. Suddenly Kylo pulled out flipped her over, rolling them out of the narrow bunk. He bent Rey over the side of the bed, entering her again. He thrust hard and fast, their blissful cries mingled. In those moments, they were one. Then Kylo came with a groan and the moment ended. He pulled away again, laying back on the bed. He held out his arms for Rey to join him. Instead, she began to pull on her clothes. She’d given up her training. She’d walked away from everything she’d ever wanted without a second thought. Everything had seemed so straight forward a few minutes ago. It was all too much, she felt as though she were going to suffocate.

               “Your mother’s going to be back soon,” she said. “I better go.”

She left the room without looking back, returning to her bunk without encountering everyone. She’d have to face what she’d done eventually; she’d have to deal with the consequences of her actions. But tonight, she just couldn’t handle it.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Leia have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't where I'd intended this chapter to go but enjoy anyway!

Kylo lay back on his bed, stunned. He couldn’t bring himself to move. The last half hour had been surreal, like something from a dream. If it weren’t for the glove Rey’d left behind on her hurry to escape, he’d have thought he’d imagined the whole thing. Maybe that would have been better. Being with Rey was amazing but it was a mistake. She certainly seemed to think so; she’d completely shut down on him. And she didn’t know the half of it. The voice that had whispered to him in his childhood was back.

               He’d known Snoke wouldn’t let him go without a fight, he’d known the darkness would call to him. But he hadn’t known it would be this hard. The battle against the darkness was a constant struggle. Snoke called to him louder than he ever had in his childhood. He promised him a return to glory and power. Just the thought made Kylo weak. He craved the power, the control. Uncle Luke had once told him the dark side was like a drug and he’d been right. Kylo knew he was an addict. He couldn’t tell Luke or his mother about his conflict. They were having enough trouble trusting him as it was. Not that he blamed them, they were right to worry. He wasn’t sure how long he’d be able to resist the dark. Which was why getting involved with Rey was so dangerous. It would put her in harm’s way and he’d never be able to live with himself if he hurt her.

               Sadly, Rey had been impossible to resist. He’d wanted her, craved her, from the first time he’d laid eyes on her. She was incredible, fierce and beautiful. Full of fire, yet she belonged completely to the light. Though he’d left the First Order for her, he had never really believed anything would happen between them. He’d never thought Rey would reciprocate his feelings, he’d never thought she could want him. Then she’d shown up at his door. She’d kissed him. He’d lost all control and there was no going back. _She’s disgusted with herself,_ the voice whispered. _She hates herself for sleeping with you._

               “Shut up,” Kylo muttered. “I won’t listen to your lies, not anymore.”

               _You know it’s true, that’s why she left. She’ll never understand you, she doesn’t know the darkness. There’s too much light in her._

“I said shut up,” Kylo said. “That’s not it, she just needs time.”

               _It’s better this way,_ Snoke insisted. _You can’t control yourself, you’d destroy her._

“Get the fuck out of my head!” Kylo yelled. Just then, the door to the barrack creaked open.

               “Ben!” Leia called. She refused to use the name Kylo Ren. “Are you still awake?”

               Kylo shot up so fast he nearly fell over. He grabbed his clothes and pulled them on, stubbing his toe on a chair in the process.

               “Yeah!” he squeaked, then cleared his throat. “I’m just doing some reading.”

               Leia stood in his doorway, a look of concern on her weary face. “I just talked to Luke,” she said. “He told me Rey has decided to abandon her training.”

               Kylo decided to play dumb. “Oh? Why is that?”

               Leia wasn’t fooled. “I think you know why. I saw Rey leaving.”

               Kylo looked at the floor, blushing. “She just came here to talk,” he insisted.

               “Relax, Ben. I know you aren’t a kid anymore. Rey did look pretty upset though.” Leia didn’t seem angry, she seemed genuinely worried. “What happened?”

               “She um, well…” he stammered, not used to discoing such things with his mother. “She came here and she…initiated things. But then she freaked out and took off after. It was like she couldn’t get out of here fast enough.” He sighed. “It was like she was running away.”

               “She probably just needs time to think things over. This is a huge step for her, she’s just given up everything she’s been working for.”

               Kylo wasn’t convinced. “Yeah, maybe.”

               “In fact,” Leia added. “I think you should do the same.”

               “What do you mean?”

               “I just think you should really think about this… thing you have with Rey. I’m just not sure you’re going to be able to handle it.” Leia sighed. “Believe me Ben, I hate to say this but you aren’t exactly stable right now. Rey may seem strong but she’s delicate in many ways. I’m afraid you might be too much for her. She’s so young.”

               “She’s not a child,” Kylo reminded her.

               “Rey is easily hurt. She’s had a hard, lonely life. She needs stability, love.”

               “And I can’t provide that?” Kylo asked, then regretted it. His mother was right, there was no way he could give Rey what she needed. At least not now.

               “Ben, you just got back. I know you have to be struggling. Focus on your recovery.” She pulled him into a hug. “Everything else will fall into place.”

               “I’ll try,” Kylo promised. He wiggled away from Leia’s embrace. “I’m going to bed now. Good night.”

               “Good night, Ben. I love you.” Leia left the room, shutting to door behind her.

               Kylo returned to his bed, his thoughts racing. Everything his mother had said was true, he knew he wasn’t what Rey needed. But just as he wasn’t sure he could resist the darkness, he wasn’t sure he could resist Rey.

              

 

              

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo confronts Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took forever to write, hopefully it's not too awful.

He left early the next morning to track down Rey. Kylo had no idea what he was going to say when he found her. His mother was right; he was in no position to begin a relationship, especially with a girl like Rey. He knew she deserved so much more than what he could give her. He also knew there was a good chance she’d wind up getting hurt. But most importantly, he knew there was absolutely no way he could stay away from her. He didn’t know what to do. Maybe he’d know when he saw her.

               Kylo checked Rey’s bunk and the training grounds before finding her in the mess. Hoping to speak to her alone, he was dismayed to find her sitting with Poe and a few other pilots. Rey spotted him, making a sad attempt to hide behind one of her friends. He forced himself to approach their table, running his fingers through his hair nervously before speaking.

               “Rey, could I speak to you for a moment?”

               “Go ahead and talk,” Rey replied. She clearly wasn’t going to make this easy.

               Kylo wouldn’t give up that easily. “I was hoping we could talk alone.”

               “I really don’t have time right now. I have to finish breakfast, then I’m going to the air field with Poe.” Rey gave him a pointed look. “I’m going to be a pilot now, since I can’t train as a jedi anymore.”

               “Hey, I didn’t tell you to quit training!” Rey couldn’t blame him for what she’d done. “As I recall, I asked you about your training and you said fuck it!”

               “I wasn’t thinking straight, I was angry and confused. You should have…you should have told me no! You should have told me to go back to Luke!” Rey had jumped to her feet, spilling her breakfast all over the floor.

               “You’re acting like a child!” Kylo shouted. It felt good to yell, he’d been trying so hard to keep his temper in check since his return. “I’m not responsible for what you do!”

               “I was clearly shaken up! Couldn’t you see it?” Rey’s voice was cracking, she seemed to be on the verge of tears. Still, she didn’t back down. Even now, Kylo admired her for that. “You let me give up everything I’d ever worked for!”

               “You’re a grown woman, Rey! I didn’t force you to do anything.”

               “What the hell are you two talking about?” Poe asked. He looked completely baffled. In fact, so did everyone in the room. Kylo had forgotten about their audience. So, it seemed, had Rey. Taking in the curious faces around her, she turned and fled the building. Kylo took off after her.

               “Leave me alone!” she said when he caught up to her outside her bunkhouse.

               “Not until you talk to me. What happened, Rey? You shut me out.” Kylo couldn’t hide the hurt in his voice. “Why?”

               Rey didn’t look at him. “It was just everything was happening so fast and I realized what I’d given up and…I freaked out.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “I’ve never really been in a relationship before. It scares me.”

               “I’m scared too, Rey. I’ve never allowed myself to be vulnerable with anyone, I never wanted to. Coming back here has been so hard, I’m constantly fighting the dark. Snoke is in my head, whispering all the time. But when I’m with you, none of that matters. You give me clarity.”

               “I don’t know if I can trust you. You might hurt me.” Rey looked up at Kylo. “You might leave me.”         

               Kylo gently took Rey’s hand. “I’d rather die than hurt you, Rey. And I’m never going back to Snoke.”

               “You don’t worry about what people might think?” Rey asked quietly. “General Organa’s son and the scavenger nobody?”

               “You don’t worry about what people might think? The resistance pilot and the First Order scum?” Kylo grinned in spite of himself.

               Rey smiled. “Fair point. I’m starting to think we belong together.”

               “My mother won’t be happy, she told me to stay away from you.” Kylo stepped closer to Rey, leaning down so their foreheads touched. “She said you were fragile.”

               “Master Luke will be pissed, he said you weren’t worth my time.” Rey giggled. “I bet he thinks I’ll show up this morning, begging him to take me back.”

               “A forbidden romance,” Kylo murmured. “There’s something kind of hot about that.”

               Rey wrapped her arms around Kylo’s waist. “I don’t have to be at the air field for another 45 minutes.” She stood on her toes and kissed him deeply. Kylo scooped Rey up in his arms and carried her into the bunkhouse.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on tumblr :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey worries about Kylo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loving the positive feedback on this story! Unfortunately, things are about to get angsty. Be prepared.

Their relationship wasn’t exactly a secret, that would have been impossible. An entire room full of people had witnessed the screaming match and gossip spread quickly around the base. Everyone was dying for details and rumors ran wild. When Rey went to flight training, the other pilots pelted her with questions. How did it start? Was he the reason she quit jedi training? What did Master Luke think? What did General Organa think? How long had it been going on? Then, voice lowered to a giggly whisper, how was he in bed? Rey rolled her eyes at the interrogation, quickly changing the subject to something less…personal. It wasn’t that she was ashamed of the relationship, it was just the opposite. What they had was so special that Rey didn’t want to share. She’d had so little love in her life and now that she had it, she wanted to keep it all for herself. Kylo seemed to understand. Maybe he felt the same way.

               Luke wasn’t particularly pleased by their relationship but was far too kind to say anything. Leia was more concerned than angry. She even called Rey to her office one day for a talk.

               “I just want to make sure you know what you are getting into,” she’d said. “My son has a good heart but he’s going through a hard time right now. He’s not always easy to deal with.”

               “I understand that General,” Rey had replied respectfully.

               “I’m sorry Rey but I don’t think you do,” Leia said. “He hardly sleeps and when he does, he has terrible nightmares. Sometimes he just sits and stares at nothing for hours. He bursts in to tears and won’t tell me why. Rey, he may seem better but he has a long way to go.”

               “I love your son,” Rey had said. “I’m prepared to deal with whatever comes.”

               “I know you love him.” Leia had looked sad. “I do too. I just don’t know if that’s enough.”

               “I know it is,” Rey insisted. “And I have problems of my own. Kylo and I help each other.”

               She’d said goodbye to the General and gone to find Kylo in their old training spot. That was where they spent their evenings now, with Kylo training Rey in the ways of the force. It had been his idea.

               “I can’t,” Rey said when he brought it up after sex one night. “Jedi aren’t supposed to…do these sorts of things.” She’d gestured to the bed, where they had been making love just moments before. “In case you forgot, that’s why I quit.”

               Kylo laughed. “You wouldn’t be training as a jedi. You’d just be learning the ways of the force.”

               “And the difference is?” Rey asked as she reached for her clothes.

               “We’ll use jedi techniques, just not their other teachings.” He grew serious. “The force is a part of you, Rey. You should use it.”

               “I have missed it,” Rey admitted. “I guess we could try.”

               An enormous grin spread across Kylo’s face. “You won’t regret this, Rey!” He pulled he into his arms and covered her face with kisses. “I promise, it won’t interfere with your duties to the resistance. We’ll train at night so you can work during the day.”

               They’d begun the next day. To Rey’s surprise, it was even better than training with Master Luke. She found that training with Kylo was actually fun, something training with Luke had certainly never been. Now there was no pressure, no unrealistic teachings to adhere to. No restrictions. Rey had never felt so free, so alive. Had everything else gone so well, life would have been perfect. But of course, that wasn’t the case.

               Rey soon found that Leia had been right, Kylo was really struggling. Rey did her best to keep him distracted but she couldn’t always be there. The days were particularly hard, she was busy with the other pilots and Leia had a resistance to command. Kylo wasn’t trusted with a job yet and had nothing to occupy his time, allowing his mind to wander. He had no friends, how could he when everyone on base feared him?  Rey began to notice dark circles under Kylo’s eyes and he seemed to be losing weight. From what she could tell, he hardly slept. His moods were unpredictable, he was happy and smiling one moment, depressed and withdrawn the next. Sometimes she caught him crying. Rey feared that despite all her efforts, she was losing him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snoke is speaking, Finn is awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the feedback, it keeps me going!

Rey was amazing. After all she’d been through she was still so positive, so full of life. Despite her pain, she still believed that things could be better. She believed that Kylo could be better. With her, he almost felt whole again. She had so much faith in him, she was trying so hard. Rey was trying her best to keep him busy. She’d persuaded his mother to give him a job at the airfield, helping the mechanics repair damaged ships. She invited him to the cantina with her and her friends. When the nightmares kept him awake, she sat up with him. Kylo knew she was too stubborn to ever give up. He hated himself for failing her. Snoke’s voice was growing louder, the pull to the dark was getting even stronger. Kylo wasn’t sure how much longer he could stand it.

               He couldn’t bring himself to tell Rey about his struggle, though he knew he should. She was so happy, so proud of how far she believed he’d come. Finn had recently woken up from his coma, giving Rey another reason to smile. Their initial reunion had been awkward, as was to be expected. After all, Rey was now involved with the man that had put him in the coma in the first place. Finn had been confused, angry. He’d told Rey that Kylo couldn’t be trusted. That she’d wind up getting hurt. Rey had come to his defense. She’d told Finn how much he’d changed in the last few months. She told him that they were in love. Finn told them he needed some time alone. He’d turned to face the wall.

               “I know he’ll come around,” Rey insisted after they left the infirmary. “He just has to get to know you.”

               “He didn’t seem too eager to try,” Kylo replied.

               “Finn just needs some time to process the whole thing,” Rey said. “I know him. If anyone is going to give you a chance, it’s him.”

               To Kylo’s surprise, Rey was right. Upon his release from the infirmary, Finn sought Kylo out and asked if they could talk.

               “I can see how much Rey loves you,” he said. “I’m going to try for her. Besides, everyone deserves a second chance. Even you.”

               Finn began making an honest effort to reach out to Kylo. He took to joining Rey and Kylo for meals and made sure to include Kylo in the conversation. He asked questions and made corny jokes. When he and Poe went out for drinks, they asked Kylo to come along. Somehow, the whole thing made Kylo feel worse. Now he had another person to disappoint, another person to let down.

               “Do you think they’d stand by you if they knew the truth?” Snoke whispered. “Do you think your precious Rey would love you if she knew how badly you crave the dark?”

               “She knows what I’ve done, she knows who I was. She loves me anyway,” Kylo insisted.

               “The girl thinks you’ve changed. She thinks you’ve abandoned your old ways. If Rey knew the truth, she’d be disgusted.  You know I’m right.” Snoke spoke softly, soothingly. He seemed sympathetic. “I know everything about you, all your dreams. All your fears. All your weaknesses. Your secrets. Still, I accept you. Come back, where you’re appreciated.”       

               “I’m done with you,” Kylo replied, but he was less sure now. “I left for good I’m happy now.”

               “You aren’t happy, you’re in agony. There’s only one way to end the pain. Give in to the darkness,” Snoke hissed. “Become my student once more.”

               “I could never leave Rey,” Kylo said. “I’d die first.”

               “It would be painful, yes,” Snoke agreed. “But it would save the girl from a lot of heartache. She’s better off without you. You’ll only bring her suffering.”

               Snoke was giving voice to Kylo’s worst fears. He loved Rey more than anything but was his love destroying her? She was clearly exhausted, working day and night to keep him out of trouble. She was always worrying, always stressed. He was wearing her out, dimming her beautiful light. He loved her too much to keep putting her through this. Maybe it was better he left. Maybe it would have been better if he’d never come home at all.

              


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some sad smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long! I haven't been feeling very well but we should be back on track. Enjoy!

“So, how are you liking your job?” Rey asked Kylo as they left the mess after dinner one night. “It’s not too boring is it? It was all your mother could get the council to agree to.” She was anxious to hear how things were going.

               “It’s fine, Rey. I’m just glad to have something to do. Thanks for working so hard to get it for me.” Kylo smiled but he certainly didn’t sound grateful. In fact, he hardly seemed to be paying attention at all. The vacant look in his eyes spoke volumes to Rey, Kylo’s mind was a million miles away.

               “Are you alright?” Rey asked. “You seem a little distant tonight. Well, the past few nights if I’m being honest.”

               “I’m fine it’s just…nothing. I’ll see you in the morning.” He leaned in and gave Rey a quick kiss. She sighed. Maybe Kylo just needed some time alone.

               “Ok. Goodnight.” She turned to leave.

               “Wait, Rey.” Kylo grabbed her arm. “Take a walk with me?”  
               “Yeah, if you want.” Rey took his hand. They left the camp without speaking. As they approached their tree, Rey turned to Kylo. “Are you feeling bad?” she asked. Kylo normally asked her to walk with him after a particularly hard day. To her surprise, he shook his head.

               “I don’t want to talk about that,” he said. Then he leaned in. The kiss deepened quickly. Kylo pulled her against him, gently moving his hands up and down her back. He tore his lips away from hers and left a trail of kisses down her neck. Rey responded with a blissful sigh. She felt Kylo gently lower her to the ground. She pulled him on top of her, kissing him eagerly. They began to grind against each other, eliciting a moan from Kylo’s lips. When he put his hand between her legs, Rey stopped.

               “Right here? Are you sure?” she whispered.

               Kylo responded by kissing her again, easing her pants off while doing so. He broke away from the kiss, lowering his mouth to Rey’s cunt. She sighed as he licked her clit, eventually coming with a gasp. She pushed Kylo back into the grass and slid off his pants, tossing them aside. Rey took his cock in her hands, rubbing it gently. She leaned down, licking it in one long stroke before taking it in her mouth. Kylo groaned, reaching out to cup Rey’s breast. As Rey continued to suck, Kylo’s moans got louder.

               “I’m going to come,” he sighed.

               Rey sat up. “Not yet,” she murmured. “I’m not done with you yet.”

               She lowered herself on to his cock, moving up and down vigorously. Kylo thrust into her, panting and crying out. Rey changed her movements to match his, thrusting and groaning along with him. He came with a groan, finishing inside of her. Rey rolled off, lying beside Kylo in the tall grass. She lay her head on his chest, listening to the sound of his heart.

               “I love you Rey,” Kylo whispered. He wrapped his arms around her. “I love you so much. No matter what.” He sounded so unbearably sad. He sounded as if he were saying goodbye.

               “I love you too.” Rey was in no hurry to leave this time; she wouldn’t have dreamed of running. She closed her eyes, committing the moment to memory. “I wish we could lay like this forever.” She sighed. “I wish we were the only two people in the galaxy.”

               “I’m sorry Rey,” Kylo whispered. “I’m sorry I’m not the man you deserve.”

               “I don’t want anyone else, why can’t you understand that?” Rey could feel herself growing desperate. She could feel Kylo slipping away. “I don’t care about the past.”

               “Just remember what I said. I’ll love you for the rest of my life, no matter what happens.” He reached for his clothes and leaned in to kiss Rey one last time. “Now let’s get back to camp.”

               Rey got up to follow him, yanking on her clothes as she went. Once they reached the gate, Kylo turned toward the little building he still shared with Leia. “Goodnight,” he said with a mournful smile.

               “Goodnight,” Rey replied. She watched Kylo’s retreating figure and was filled with a sense of terrible despair. “Please don’t leave me,” she whispered. “Not you too.”

                

 

              

              

 

 

              

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is gone :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is turning into a longer fic than expected. Thanks for sticking with me!

He was gone the next morning. Leia ran around the base for hours, searching frantically for her son. Of course, he was nowhere to be found. Kylo wasn’t at the mess, he wasn’t at the air field. His room was empty. No one had seen him. Rey wasn’t surprised. She’d suspected last night would be their last. It did nothing to soften the blow; nothing could have prepared Rey for the heartbreak, the betrayal.  If possible, Leia was even worse. The strong general completely broke down, sinking to her knees and sobbing. Rey went to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

               “I thought I had him back,” Leia whispered. “Now I’ve lost him again.”

               Rey didn’t know what to say, it was impossible to comfort Leia while she was so miserable herself. She felt tears begin to run down her own cheeks, soon she was weeping along with the general. “He’s been struggling for a long time. He never talked about it but I could tell. I knew and I didn’t do anything. I thought if I just ignored it, it would go away. I thought he’d get better. This is all my fault.”

               “Don’t you even think that Rey.” Leia got to her feet, pulling Rey along with her. “You did everything you could of. You fought so hard.”

               “I wish he’d never come back,” Rey sobbed. “Why couldn’t he have just stayed away?”

               “Luke always says the pull to the dark is strong, it’s like an addiction. He says it’s almost impossible to resist. You’re the only reason he was able to fight it this long.” Leia took Rey’s hand. “You gave him strength. He loved you so much.”

               “Not enough,” said Rey. “He didn’t love me enough to stay. He abandoned me, just like everyone else. I’m alone again.” She turned away from Leia and broke into a run. Tears continued to well in her eyes, blurring her vision. Rey didn’t know where she was going until she reached their tree, she wrapped her arms around its trunk and sobbed into the bark until she couldn’t breathe. It was Jakku all over again, the loneliness was crushing. She couldn’t go through this, not again. Sinking to the ground, she buried her face in her hands. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up to see Finn sitting beside her.

               “Oh Rey I’m so sorry,” he said. “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.”

               A fresh wave of tears washed over Rey. “I feel so stupid,” she muttered.“I can’t believe let myself get involved with him.” She wiped her eyes. “I actually thought he loved me.”

               “You are not stupid,” Finn insisted. “You’re an extraordinary person. You have faith in people, even after all you’ve been through. You believed in Kylo Ren, just like you believed in me.”

               “There’s a difference,” Rey said. “You never betrayed me. He did.”

               “Leaving the First Order is hard, Rey.” Finn looked off into the distance, as though he were remembering things he would of preferred to forget. “It’s almost impossible.”

               “You did it,” Rey reminded him. “You haven’t gone back.”

               “Our experiences were very different. I was a Stormtrooper, one of many. Kylo was Snoke’s pet, there was no way he was going to let him go without a fight.” Finn pulled Rey closer to him, she rested her head on his shoulder. “You’re the only reason he was able to resist this long.”

               “That’s what Leia said.” Rey sighed. “I’m tired of hearing it.”

               “Well it’s true,” said Finn.

               “I don’t know how I’m going to get through this, Finn.” Rey had stopped crying; her tears were replaced by an overwhelming emptiness. “It hurts so much.”

               “It’ll get easier.” Finn smiled sadly. “I know you’ll be alright. You’re a survivor.”

               “I wish I didn’t have to be.” Rey leaned back against the trunk of the tree.

               “Hey, I’m meeting Poe at the Cantina later. Want to come?”

               “Thanks, but I just want to be alone for a little while.”

               Finn stood up and brushed the dirt off his legs. “Rey?”

              “Yeah?”

               “You aren’t alone.  You never will be. I hope you know that.” He walked back towards camp.

               “Thank you Finn,” Rey whispered.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Snoke have a chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the great feedback, you guys rock!

Kylo waited anxiously outside of Snoke’s throne room.  Pacing back and forth, he wondered what awaited him. Would the Supreme Leader take him back, as he had promised? Or was this merely a trap? It was very possible that Snoke had drawn him here just to kill him. Better to have his protégée dead than in the hands of the enemy. Despite his doubts, Kylo was feeling better than he had in months. He’d donned his old clothes, the mask covered his face. Once again, he was someone to be feared. More importantly, he was someone to be respected.  He felt strong, alive. He knew where he belonged. The dark was his home.

               Suddenly, the door to the audience chamber opened. General Hux appeared, a cruel smile on his pale face. “He’ll see you now Ren,” he said. “Best of luck to you, traitor.”

               Kylo chose not to reply. He entered the room and walked slowly towards the massive throne. Upon reaching it, he fell to his knees and waited for the Supreme Leader to speak. After what seemed like hours, he finally did.

               “Kylo Ren,” he boomed. “How glad I am to see you. I take it your time with the resistance is finished?”

               “I’m back where I belong, Supreme Leader,” Kylo replied. “And I’m more committed to our cause than ever before.”

               “Is that so?” Snoke leaned forward, frowning. “How can I trust you now? How can I be sure you won’t go running off again?”

               “I know now that the darkside is a part of me. Without it, I’m incomplete.” Kylo stood up. “My time with the Resistance has shown me the value of our work. The rebels lack vision as well as strong leadership. With them in charge, the galaxy would fall into chaos.”

               “So that’s the reason for your return?” Snoke sounded skeptical. “Politics?”

                             

               Kylo looked at the floor. “You were right. I’ll never belong there. My mother has never accepted me. My uncle will never trust me. I have nothing to go back to.”

               “And the girl?” Snoke prompted. “You seemed to be growing awfully fond of each other.”

               “I’ll miss her,” Kylo admitted. “But I’ve made my decision. Besides, it would have never worked out between us.”

               “And why is that?” Snoke asked.

               “We’re just too different.” Kylo knew it was the truth, though it pained him to admit it. “She radiates pure light. I belong in the dark.” He sighed. “She’s better off without me. I’d only end up hurting her.”

               “Nonsense!” Snoke proclaimed. “The girl doesn’t radiate light, she radiates power. Power that we could put to use.”

               Kylo was confused. “What do you mean?”

               Snoke smiled. “My meaning, Ren, is that you won’t be missing your scavenger for long. Rey will soon be joining us.”

               Suddenly, Kylo felt sick. Rey join the First Order? No, that would never happen. She’d die first. “Supreme Leader, I don’t believe Rey can be turned,” he said.   

               “Of course she can,” Snoke insisted. “Tell me, does Luke Skywalker still train her?”

               “Not anymore,” Kylo muttered. “He stopped after she started seeing me.”

               “Exactly!” the Supreme Leader cried. “Her talents are being wasted, her powers go unused. The force is a part of her, she’ll be dying to use it.”

               “You think if we offer to train her, she’ll join us?” Kylo asked. “Just like that?”

               “I know she will.”

               Kylo kept quiet, he knew better than to argue with his master. And there was a part of him loved the idea of Rey joining the First Order. Once she was fully trained they’d be an unstoppable team, partners in both war and in love. He pictured Rey dressed in black robes, beautiful and strong by his side. He’d never be alone again. But he knew it would never work. Rey always followed her convictions. It was one of the many things he loved about her.

               “I can sense your doubt,” Snoke said, interrupting Kylo’s train of thought. “You’ll see in time. Rey will be ours very soon.”

               “I hope you’re right, Supreme Leader.”

               “Now go,” Snoke commanded with a wave of his hand. “And Send General Hux back in. We have much to discuss.”

 

              

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey feels numb. Finn is worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Rey! Stick with me, things are about to get interesting.

Over the next few weeks, Rey did everything she could to forget. She worked twice as hard, flying missions with her squad and logging more training hours than anyone else. Her nights were spent on a different sort of training, alone now, since Kylo was gone and she was too proud to ask Luke. Not that she minded being alone, it was easier that way. Being around people meant dealing with the sad looks, the pity. It also meant hearing the whispers, the voices when her back was turned. They weren’t all kind.

               “She had to have known. Little traitor didn’t say anything. She’s just as bad as he is.”

               “Kylo Ren’s whore isn’t looking too good this morning. Must be missing her back stabbing boyfriend.”

               “That slut ought to be locked up. She’s got to be a spy.”

               Rey did her best to ignore them. All she wanted to do was move on, to go about her daily life. She wasn’t sad anymore, she wasn’t angry. She wasn’t happy either. All Rey could feel was numb. Finn was worried. He kept begging her to open up, to talk about it. Rey began to avoid him. She didn’t want to think about Kylo, she certainly didn’t want to talk about him. What was the point? He was gone, that’s all there was to it. She told Finn as much after he found her training under the tree one night.

               “You’ve got to talk about this,” he insisted. “It’s eating you up inside, I can tell. It’ll destroy you, Rey. You walk around all day like you’re in a fog. You don’t smile, you don’t talk to anyone. You’re really starting to scare me.”

               “Talking about it isn’t going to change anything Finn,” she said, continuing to practice her forms. “You know what will? Winning this war.”

               “What happens if we win the war? What then?”

               Rey stopped. “What do you mean?”

               Finn sighed. “Kylo is either going to die during the war or be executed afterward as a war criminal. Are you going to be partially responsible for his death?”

               Rey went back to her practice. “Kylo made his choice.”

               “So you could kill him, if it came down to it?” Finn reached out and grabbed Rey’s shoulders, forcing her to look at him. “Could you kill the man you loved?”

               “It won’t come to that,” Rey insisted, not meeting his eyes.

               “Suppose it did.”

               “Then yeah, I’d do what had to be done.” Rey swallowed back tears. “He’s not the man I loved anymore.”

               Finn shook his head. “At least talk to General Organa if you won’t talk to me. She’s going through hell, same as you.”

               “She seems to be handling it well enough to me.”

               “She works all day, she hardly eats, and she looks like she hasn’t slept in weeks.”

               Rey turned away from Finn and returned to her training. “This is wartime, Finn. Now leave me alone. I need to train.”

               “Ok, Rey.” Finn sounded hurt. “Just remember, I’m here for you if you decide you want to talk.”

               “For the thousandth time, yes I know. Now please, just go.”

               Finn began to walk back towards base, then turned back. “I know you think everyone’s abandoned you, but I haven’t. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

               “Leave me alone!” Rey cried, feeling the tears beginning to flow. “Just go!”

               Finn walked away, leaving Rey feeling more alone than ever. She dropped to her knees, sobbing so hard she could barely breathe. She was so tired. She was tired of feeling numb, she was tired of the whispers. She was so tired of the pity. Most of all, she was tired of missing Kylo Ren. “Why did you have to do that?” she whispered. “Why did you have to leave me?”  
               The only answer was the sound of the wind blowing through the trees. Rey ran her fingers through the grass, pulling up clumps of dirt. She hurt so badly and for what? A man who’d abandoned her, a man who didn’t even have the decency to say goodbye? “I’m done with this,” she said. “I’m done feeling this way. He’s not worth it.” She stood up and brushed the tears off her cheeks. “Kylo Ren, you’re nothing to me.” If she saw him again, she’d show no mercy. If she saw him again, she’d kill him.

 

              

              

              

              

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo hatches a new plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fairly short chapter but I really wanted to get something out. I have a few days off work next week, so I should be able to get a lot of writing done. Enjoy!

Unlike his failed attempt to join the Resistance, the transition back to Snoke’s service was proving to be surprisingly easy for Kylo. He settled back in to his old position of authority, a stark contrast to his life with the Resistance. Here, he was trusted. Of course, The talk with the Supreme Leader had left him uneasy; he’d even begun to question his decision to return to the First Order at all. Rey would never join them willingly and he knew he could never force her to do so. Kylo knew he could never hurt her. But what if Snoke ordered it? What would he do then? Thankfully, Snoke hadn’t called for him since his arrival and Kylo was able to banish the thought to the back of his mind.

               He soon returned to his old life, interrogating prisoners, directing troops, and running missions. Again, he was powerful. Again, he was strong. Again, he was completely and utterly alone. The loneliness had never bothered him before but everything was different now. Now he knew what he was missing; he’d known love and he longed for Rey more then he’d ever thought possible. Kylo tried to forget her, he tried to forget the sound of her laughter. He tried to forget the sight of her beautiful smile, the way she smelled, the sound of her voice. Kylo knew he was fighting a losing battle. Everything reminded him of Rey. The meals he ate reminded him of the way she always gobbled up her food. The sight of tie- fighter pilots made him think of the way she looked in her flight suit. When he oversaw the training of a group of Stormtroopers, he couldn’t help but remember the fierce face Rey always made when they sparred. He couldn’t focus on anything but the memories. She was everywhere, even in his dreams.

               Night after night Kylo awoke panting, covered in cold sweat. He’d lie awake in the dark, shaking, trying to catch his breath. He never remembered the dreams but he knew Rey was in every single one.  He could feel her, almost as if she were in the bed beside him. Sometimes, he pretended she was. He thought about what he’d do if she were there. He’d hold her close, kiss her neck while she giggled. Rey would comb her fingers through his hair and tell him that everything was alright. They’d make love in the dark room, moving together between the sheets. He’d tell her how much he loved her. One night, the fantasy seemed so real Kylo was afraid he was going crazy. He got out of bed and began to pace the floor.  He knew he couldn’t live that way anymore; he knew he couldn’t live without Rey. He also knew he couldn’t return to the Resistance. “ _I can’t force Rey to come here_ , he reminded himself. _But I know she won’t come here willingly either.”_ Or would she _?_ Snoke had certainly thought she could be convinced.  Maybe if he could just talk to her, make her see reason. “I _have to try,”_ he thought. “ _I need Rey. I need her here with me.”_ But how? Rey would never agree to talk to him, not after what he’d put her through. Hell, she probably wanted to kill him. “That’s it!”  he cried aloud. Rey would never meet up with him to talk but she may meet up with him to fight. He’d send her a message, inviting her to face off with him one last time. A duel to the death.  A chance for revenge. It would be reckless, bold, and so completely like Rey to show up. The plan was just crazy enough to work. But what would Snoke think? This was certainly not the plan the Supreme Leader had in mind. _“Well,_ Kylo thought. _“Maybe I just won’t tell him. By the time he notices I’m gone, Rey will be here. By the time he notices, he’ll have a new apprentice.”_

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The meeting doesn't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It turns out writing while prepping for surgery isn't as easy as I thought. Anyway, enjoy! The next chapter should be pretty smutty.

The air was cold, if not frigid. Clouds hid the stars from view. Icy rain pelted Rey, chilling her to the bone. She looked around the empty field, searching. Where was Kylo? She’d heard his voice through the force, inviting her to this place for one final match.

                “I know you hate me,” he’d whispered. “I know you must want revenge.”

               “You don’t know anything about me,” Rey’d hissed back.

               “That’s not true, Rey. I know you better than anyone else.” Kylo’s voice was smug, enraging Rey. “After the way I hurt you, you must want me dead.”

               Rey hadn’t bothered to argue. “So what if I do?”

               “Meet me tomorrow night, at the meadow. We’ll have a duel. One last fight.”

               Rey was skeptical. Could this be a trap? Why would Kylo face her in single combat when he had the weight of the First Order behind him? What did he possibly have to gain from such a meeting? “And why would you do that?” she’d asked.

               “I have my reasons,” he’d replied. “Will you come?”

               Rey hesitated but her hatred was stronger than her reason. “Yes,” she’d agreed. “I’ll be there.”

               “Come alone,” he’d warned. “Don’t tell anyone about this, not even your precious traitor.”

               Rey chose to ignore the irony of Kylo calling someone else a traitor. “I won’t.”

               “The meadow,” Kylo’d said again. “Tomorrow night.”

               So Rey had ignored her common sense and come to the meadow, a large clearing a few miles from base. Five minutes after her arrival, there was still no sign of her opponent. Rey felt for the lightsaber hanging at her belt as a fresh wave of anxiety washed over her. What if this was a mistake? What if it wasn’t Kylo who appeared but a dozen Knights of Ren, there to either kill or capture her? True to her word she hadn’t told anyone about this meeting, no one would know where to look for her. How could she have been so stupid? Just as she turned to leave, she saw a dark figure emerging from the woods. Kylo Ren had arrived.

               “I was starting to think you weren’t coming,” Rey called. She ignited her lightsaber. To her surprise, Kylo didn’t do the same. Instead he tossed his weapon to the ground, throwing his hands up in surrender.

               “I’m not here to fight Rey,” he said. “I want to talk.”

               Rey stared at him, not understanding. “Talk?”

               “The duel was just an excuse to get you here,” he explained. “I want to talk to you,” he said again.

               “You want to talk?” Rey asked. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “What the fuck could you possibly have to say to me? After all you put me through?”

               “I never wanted to hurt you,” Kylo insisted. He looked at his feet, almost as though he were ashamed. “I just…I couldn’t stay there anymore. I didn’t belong with the Resistance.” He looked up. “And neither do you.”

               Rey tightened her grip on her lightsaber. She took a step closer to her former lover. “And where do I belong? With you and your sick old master?”

               “Snoke’s wise, Rey. He wants to teach you. There’s no one to train you here, you can’t let all your talent go to waste. With his help, you could be extraordinary.” He sighed. “And besides, I miss you.”

               “I don’t need him and I sure as hell don’t need you!” Rey lurched forward and held her weapon an inch above Kylo’s neck. Her hands shook with anger, her head pounded.

               “Just think Rey,” Kylo pleaded. “You could be so powerful. Together, we’d rule the galaxy. You’d never be alone again.” He reached out and stoked Rey’s face. “No one could separate us.”

               At his touch, Rey felt herself growing weak. However, she still didn’t lower her lightsaber. “You were the one that separated us,” she whispered. “You left me.”

               “Because I know the truth now. I belong to the darkside.”

               “I don’t,” Rey told him. “I won't lose myself to the darkness the way you have.”

               Kylo put a hand on Rey’s wrist, gently lowering her saber. He moved even closer, closing the space between them.  “Give in Rey,” he sighed.

               “Never,” she whispered, dropping her weapon. Rey couldn’t think, she could feel his breath on her neck, she could feel her heart pounding. Then, his lips were on hers in a passionate kiss. She felt herself being pulled in to his arms, carried away. Rey kissed him back, not caring about the consequences, not thinking about the war. There was no light, there was no dark. Nothing mattered now. Throwing aside the last of her reason, Rey allowed herself to be carried off into oblivion.

              

              

              

              

              

              

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut city!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feeling all better and ready to write!. Comments are greatly appreciated :)

Rey didn’t feel the cold wind, the icy rain seemed to have disappeared. There was no sky, there were no trees; there was only Kylo. His arms encircled her waist, pulling her body closer to his. She could feel his muscles beneath his thick clothing. His lips were soft, warm against hers.

               _“Stop!”_ the voice in her head screamed. _“What the hell are you doing?”_

Rey responded by deepening the kiss. Kylo pulled away for a moment, grinning.

               “I thought you wanted to kill me?” he asked.

               “Shut up,” Rey snarled. “I’m done listening to you talk.”

               Kylo leaned forward, kissing Rey’s neck gently. “Fine by me,” he whispered. Then he began to suck, leaving a bruise that Rey knew would be impossible to hide. She heard herself sigh. Kylo pulled off his gloves, throwing them in to the mud. Drawing her back to him, he stuck his hand her pants and gently began to rub. Then he stuck his finger inside, making Rey moan with pleasure. She came with a shudder, her anger melting away. Kylo pulled back. He lowered himself to the ground, pulling Rey down on top of him. Caught up in the moment, Rey removed her shirt before yanking Kylo’s over his head. His skin felt like fire. Suddenly, she was overcome with emotion. Being with Kylo again was amazing but she knew it would only bring her more heartache. She’d missed him but neither of them had changed, this moment couldn’t last forever. Sooner or later, they’d be enemies again.

               Doing her best to hold back tears Rey began to work down Kylo’s chest, leaving a trail of kisses in her wake. Pushing her thoughts aside, she wrenched his cock free of his pants. She leaned forward and licked it before taking it in her mouth.

               “Oh fuck Rey” Kylo whined, reaching forward to pull her hair. “Fuck.” He continued to moan as Rey kept sucking.

               Glancing up, Rey found she wasn’t the only one struggling with the emotional reunion. Tears slid down Kylo’s cheeks. His cries and moans seemed to be more out of pain than pleasure. Rey got up and pulled Kylo to his feet. She lowered her pants and bent over, leaning on a nearby tree.

               “Come on,” she begged. “Bend me over like you did before.”

               Kylo didn’t look at her. “Rey, I don’t think we should do this.” He sighed. “It’s too hard.”

               “I need this, Kylo. One last time.” She wiped tears from her own eyes. “A real goodbye. Then I’ll finally be able to let you go.”

               Kylo came up behind her. “I’ll never be able to let you go,” he whispered. Then he was inside her. He began to thrust, slowly at first, then faster. Rey began to cry again. What she’d said to Kylo was a lie. She knew she’d never be over him. And she certainly couldn’t kill him. She’d always love Kylo, even after all he’d done. The pain of losing him would never go away.

               Suddenly, Kylo groaned. He collapsed against Rey for just a moment before withdrawing. Feeling empty, Rey reached down and yanked up her pants. Kylo did the same, dressing quickly before handing Rey her discarded shirt. She pulled it on.

               “Thanks,” she said awkwardly.

               “Don’t mention it.” Kylo stared at his feet. “Well, I guess I’d better go. My ship is parked in the woods.”

               “All right. So, I uh, I guess this is goodbye then.” Rey choked back another sob. She wouldn’t let herself cry in front of him again. It could wait.

               “I guess so.” He hesitated. “Rey I… I just wanted you to know that I’ll never stop thinking about you. I’ll always love you, no matter what.”

               “You made your choice Kylo.” Reys voice was cold as steel. “Goodbye. For good this time.” She began to walk, then broke into a run. She left the clearing without looking back, then kept running. Her lungs burned, tears streamed down her cheeks. Reaching the tree where she and Kylo had spent so many hours training, she sank to the ground. She knew this wasn’t the last goodbye. As long as she and Kylo were alive, this game would never be over.

              

              

              

              

 

 

              

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Snoke have a little talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the positive feedback, you guys are awesome!

Kylo lay awake in his bed aboard the Finalizer, trying to process the night’s events. Nothing had gone as planned. Rey was supposed to have come back with him, she should have been lying in bed beside him. She should have been in his arms. Instead she was back at the rebel base and he was alone again. He’d had such grand plans. He was going to bring her over to the dark side, introduce her to his master. Train her in the ways of the force, make her stronger. Rule the galaxy with her by his side. But when he saw her, everything changed. All his plans flew from his head; his knees grew weak. He was completely helpless in her presence. What was this power she held over him?

               Unable to lay in bed a moment longer, Kylo jumped up and began to pace. He knew he’d never be able to forget about Rey, he knew he’d never be able to bring her over to the dark the way his master wanted. Returning to the rebels wasn’t an option, there was no way his mother would take him back a second time. Leia was a forgiving woman but even she had her limits. Besides, he’d hated life with the resistance. So what could he do? He couldn’t go on living this way, he couldn’t stand all this pain. Kylo walked over to his window and stared out at the stars. He didn’t belong anywhere, never had, never would. Rey was the closest he’d ever come to having a home and of course, he’d fucked that up. Just as well, he certainly didn’t deserve her. Kylo sank to the floor with a sigh, burying his face in his hands. Suddenly a voice rang out in his head, penetrating the darkness.

               “Kylo Ren,” Snoke hissed. “I know what you did tonight. I know you went to see the girl.”

               “I can explain master,” Kylo began. “I wanted to...”

               “Spare me,” Snoke interrupted. “I know what happened. You were weak.”

               “I had intended to bring her back with me,” Kylo muttered.

               “And you were unsuccessful,” the supreme leader said flatly.

               “Things didn’t go as planned,” Kylo admitted.

               “You can’t control yourself around the girl, she weakens you.”

               “It won’t happen again,” Kylo insisted.

               “I’m sure it won’t,” Snoke whispered. “I’ve treated you well Kylo Ren, haven’t I?”

               “Yes, master.”

               “Yes I have. I’ve been merciful. I gave you a home when no one wanted you. I took you back even after you betrayed me. I’m forgiving your little…indiscretion with the scavenger girl, just this once. Next time, I won’t be quite so forgiving.

               “Yes master.” Kylo’s voice shook. “I understand.”

               “Good, good. Now let’s get down to business.”

               “Business?”

               “Yes, business,” Snoke said. “I have a new mission for you.”

               “What is it?” Kylo asked, relieved the conversation had turned away from Rey.

               “We have word that the resistance is planning a raid on one of our outposts tomorrow night. I’m sending the majority of our troops to intercept them.”

               “You want me to go with them?” Kylo asked.

               “No. You will lead a small force to their unguarded base. Destroy weapons, get rid of their supplies. Most importantly, kill as many personnel as you possibly can.”

               The mission, which would have once seemed so simple, filled Kylo with dread. Snke seemed to sense his reaction.

               “Relax, Ren. I’m sure your scavenger will be going on the raid with her fellow pilots. If she dies tomorrow, it won’t be by your hand.” Snoke almost seemed amused, as though Kylo’s concerns were funny. “You’ll lead this raid for me, Kylo Ren. I know you won’t disappoint me.”

               “I won’t, master.” Kylo hoped Snoke couldn’t sense his fear. “I promise.”

               “Good night Ren.” The supreme leader’s voice disappeared, Kylo was alone once again. He lay back down on his bed, pulling the blanket over his head like a child afraid of the dark.     

              

              

              

              

 

 

              

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Rey argue, Rey has to stay behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took so long to update! Family vacation got in the way. Enjoy!

Rey hadn’t told anyone about her tyst with Kylo. How could she? No one would understand. She barely understood it herself. She’d gone there to fight him, to kill him. Then she’d seen his face and…melted. What was this power he had over her? Even now she couldn’t get him out of her head, couldn’t stop thinking about him. She’d spent the night tossing and turning, dragging herself out of bed at sunrise. Her attempts at training that morning failed miserably, meditation was hopeless with Kylo on her mind. She hadn’t said a word at breakfast, hadn’t been able to eat a bite. Finn, always observant, had taken notice.

               “Are you alright Rey?” he asked, obviously worried. Rey was famous for her massive appetite. It wasn’t like her to refuse food.

               Rey looked up from the plate of eggs she’d been picking at. “Yeah, I’m just not feeling very well this morning.”

               “Maybe you should go get checked out,” he suggested. “Can’t be too careful.”

               “It’s nothing, I’ll be fine.” Rey returned to her uneaten breakfast.

               “It’s not just today Rey. Poe and I, we’re both really worried about you. Ever since Kylo left you’ve seemed…off. And it’s only getting worse.” Finn put his hand on her shoulder. “You know I’m here for you if you ever want to talk.”

               “I said I’m fine,” Rey hissed, pushing Finn’s hand away. “Leave me alone.”

               “We used to be so close Rey,” he said sadly. “We told each other everything. What happened?”

               Finn looked so hurt that, for a moment, Rey considered coming clean. Besides, it might feel good to confide in someone. Finn was right, he’d always been there for her in the past. She’d been closer to him than anyone.  But no, she couldn’t tell him about her night with Kylo.  Finn was understanding but this was different. He’d never be able to look at her the same way again.

               “I’m fine Finn,” she insisted, feeling a bit guilty. “Now come on, we have a raid to get ready for.”

               “Rey, are you sure that’s a good idea?” Finn asked quietly.

               “What do you mean?” Rey asked. “I’m one of the pilots assigned to the mission.”

               “You aren’t yourself, you’re distracted.” Finn looked down at his plate. “I’m afraid you’ll get hurt.”

               “Can’t you just let it go Finn?” Rey snapped, standing up. “I said I’m fine.” She stomped out of the mess, Finn at her heels.

               “Because I know you’re not!” Finn finally lost his cool. “I’m tired of sitting around, waiting for you to talk to me. I’m tired of watching you walk around this base, miserable over someone who doesn’t give a damn about you!”

               Rey could feel angry tears gathering in her eyes. “You don’t know that!” she screeched, causing a group of soldiers to turn and stare. “You have no idea what’s going on in his head! You don’t know what he went through!”

               “I don’t? Are you forgetting that I left the First Order too? And I didn’t go crawling back the minute things got tough.” Finn looked as though he might start crying too.

               “People were willing to give you a chance, Finn. They called you brave for leaving.” Rey wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Kylo tried, he tried so hard. But no one was willing to give him a chance!”

               “You were! Leia was! Hell, even I was! But he still left Rey and he’s not coming back.”              

               “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about! He could!” The words were out before Rey could stop them. “He was here last night!”

               “What?” Finn cried. “He was here? And you didn’t tell anyone?”

               “What is going on?” a voice asked. General Organa had appeared. “My son was here?”

               “She said he was!” Finn answered before Rey could.

               “I dreamed about him,” Rey lied. “That’s what I meant.”

               “We don’t have time for this right now,” Leia said sternly. “We have a raid to prepare for. But after this is over Rey, I want the truth.”

               “I’ll get to the air field,” Rey said, eager to escape the general’s gaze.

               “Change of plans Rey. You won’t be going with the pilots.”

               Rey was confused. “What do you mean?”

               “It’s clear to me that you aren’t fit to fly,” Leia said, leaving no room for argument. “You’ll stay here, as part of the rear guard.”

              

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo leads the raid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long gaps! Things are super chaotic right now as I get ready to move. I'll be settled soon and should be able to get them out faster. Thanks for sticking with me!

Kylo sat aboard the shuttle, trying to remain calm. So far, he was failing miserably. His heart pounded, his hands shook. And why? This was no different than any other mission. Destroy the base, kill whoever gets in your way. He’d done it countless times. It should be easy. Then why couldn’t he shake this feeling of doom? It wasn’t about Rey; that would have at least made sense. It would have been only natural for him to worry about the woman he loved. But Rey wasn’t even going to be there, Snoke had said so himself. She was going to be off with the rest of the rebel scum, raiding the First Order outpost on Tatooine. There was no reason to worry.

               A Stormtrooper marched over. “Sir, we are approaching our destination,” he said.

               “Yes,” Kylo sighed. He didn’t move.

               The Stormtrooper seemed confused. He waited for Kylo to give orders. None came. “Shouldn’t we prepare for landing?” he ventured.

               “Yes,” Kylo said again.

               “And…do you have any orders?”

               “Just…destroy it. The whole thing. Kill everyone. Isn’t that what we always do?”

               “Sir?” The Stormtrooper asked. “Are you alright?”

               “Why wouldn’t I be?” Kylo stood up and adjusted his mask. It was time. “Prepare for landing!” he called out.

               His troops lined up, ready to storm the base. Kylo stood behind them, grateful that his mask hid his anxiety. He couldn’t afford to look weak. The ship landed, the door slid open. The Stormtroopers ran out into the burning sunlight. After a brief hesitation, Kylo followed.

               It was complete chaos. Blaster shots came from all directions, screams rang out. Caught off guard, the base personnel made easy targets. Bodies covered the ground. Buildings were soon engulfed in flames. Much as Kylo had expected, it was no different than any other raid. Still, something was off. He felt dizzy, overwhelmed. People ran by and he made no effort to stop them. In the past he’d moved through crowds like a god, cutting people down as if they were nothing. He’d been a terrifying creature, heartless and without emotion. He hadn’t seen the bodies fall to the ground, hadn’t heard the cries of agony. No, that wasn’t exactly true. He’d seen and heard everything. He just hadn’t cared. Now everything was different, _he_ was different.  His walls had come down and he couldn’t put them back up. He’d let himself feel.

               Suddenly, he heard a commotion. Two of his men fell to the ground, dead. A young woman stood over them, lightsaber in hand. Rey turned to another trooper, quickly disarming him and throwing him to the ground. Her opponents defeated, she raced over to pull a woman from the burning infirmary. Despite the gravity of the situation, Kylo couldn’t help but admire her. Even now, she was thinking of others. Once the woman was safe, Rey raced over to attack a fresh group of Stormtroopers. Kylo knew he should do something, kill her, disable her, something. But he just kept watching, captivated. Though Rey fought with an undeniable grace, her past as a scavenger was evident. Her style was a perfect mixture of traditional Jedi techniques and good old fashioned street fighting. She was beautiful, she was deadly. His Stormtroopers didn’t stand a chance.

               Kylo knew he had a golden opportunity. Rey was distracted, there was no one around to help her. He could disarm her, knock her out. He’d gather her into his arms, take her on board the ship. They’d be together again. Still, he didn’t move. Not until he heard Rey scream. She’d bent over to help an injured man, only to be attacked from behind. A Stormtrooper had hit her over the head with his blaster. He held the gun to her temple, ready to fire.

               “Wait!” Kylo heard himself cry. He took a deep breath, composing himself. “Bring her to me,” he commanded.

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo makes a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long! I'm all moved in and ready to write. Enjoy!

The Stormtrooper grabbed Rey by the arm and dragged her to where Kylo stood, tossing her at his feet. Her head ached where her assailant had hit her with the butt of his gun, her vision was fuzzy. She could have kicked herself. How could she have been so stupid? All this destruction, all those people dead. And it was Kylo who’d led the attack. He was a sick, twisted, coward. She’d given him her heart once and he’d thrown it away. Then, idiot that she was, she’d let him back in. She’d given into her passions and slept with the traitor. Now here he was, ready to kill her. Big surprise. As she lay in the dirt, Rey couldn’t help but think that she deserved whatever befell her. Her former lover stared down at her, his mask portraying no emotion.

               “Stand back,” he ordered. Obediently, the Stormtrooper backed away. “I’ll take care of her myself.” Kylo drew his saber, the red blade crackled to life. Disarmed and injured, Rey could do nothing. She wouldn’t beg, she wouldn’t cry. Kylo wasn’t worth it. She closed her eyes, hoping for a swift end. The blade swung through the air, Rey waited to feel the impact. It never came. Kylo had plunged the blade into the Stormtrooper’s chest. He was dead before he hit the ground. The others didn’t seem to know what to do.  Kylo pulled Rey to her feet.

               “Come on,” he said. “Grab your saber and follow me.”

               Her head still pounding, Rey ran to grab her weapon. The ground seemed to be spinning. This had to be a dream. Had Kylo really betrayed his own men? She knew she had to be crazy to trust him again. Still, she didn’t seem to have any other option.

               “Rey! Come on!” Kylo yelled. The Stormtroopers had shaken off their confusion and begun to attack their leader. Kylo used the force to send one flying and put his sword through another. A blaster bolt came flying in Rey’s direction. She deflected it with her blade before running back to Kylo.

               “We’ve got to go!” he insisted.

               “I can’t just leave them!” Rey cried. “I won’t abandon my friends.”

               “We have no choice!” Kylo sounded desperate. “We have to warn the others. Snoke knows about the raid. He’s sending a huge force to stop them. If we don’t get to them first, they’ll be destroyed.”

               A Stormtrooper fired at Kylo, who stopped the bolt just before it hit its mark. “We have to go!” he cried again.

               “Why the hell should I trust you?” Rey asked. She used the force to throw the trooper to the ground. “You don’t exactly have a great track record.”      

               “You’re right. You have no reason to trust me. But I’m going to warn my mother. Either come with me or don’t.” He ran towards his ship.

               Rey groaned, then followed. She entered the ship just behind him and ran to the cockpit, strapping herself into the pilot’s chair. Kylo dropped into the seat beside her. The craft was more complicated than any Rey had seen before; she wasn’t exactly sure how to fly it. She began to mess with the switches and levers, hoping to get lucky. Nothing.

               “Damn fancy ship,” she muttered.

               “Rey, I don’t mean to rush you but…we kind of need to hurry.” Kylo had taken his mask off. Despite herself, Rey was relieved to hear his voice. Still, she was irritated.

               “I’m doing the best I can,” she snapped. Suddenly, the ship roared to life. Rey pushed the throttle and sent them soaring forward, just a few feet off the ground.

               “Up, Rey. Pull up!” Kylo shouted, unnecessarily.

               “You think I’m not trying!” Rey yelled back.

               They continued to fly forward, slamming into trees and rocks at high speed.

               “Come on,” Rey hissed, pulling another lever. The ship shot into the sky, the force of the sudden takeoff pushed Rey back against her seat.

               “Yes! I knew you could do it!” Kylo cheered.

               Rey couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, you were a lot of help.”

               “Hey, you’re the pilot here.” Kylo grinned. “Now let’s catch up to the Resistance.”

               Rey turned to look at him. “I still don’t trust you.”

               Kylo stopped smiling. “I know.”

               “Why did you do that? Why are you doing this?”

               “I just…I couldn’t let them hurt you Rey. I woke up.”

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Rey have a much needed chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy this was hard to write! Hopefully it's not too terrible. Only a few chapters left!

The ship hurdled through space , carrying Kylo and Rey towards Tatooine. Kylo leaned forward in his seat, hoping to spot the Resistance’s fleet. So far, he’d seen nothing and his hopes were beginning to fade. Maybe they were too late.

               “We’ll make it Kylo,” Rey assured him.

               “You don’t know that,” he replied. “What if we’re too late to warn them?”

               “Then we’ll help them as best as we can,” Rey said quietly.

               “And if it’s still not enough? What then?”

               Rey turned to look at him. “Then at least we tried. At least you tried.”

               Kylo sighed. “This is all my fault. I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been.”

               “Well, you have been pretty stupid. I can’t argue with that. But this isn’t your fault. Snoke planned this, not you. You can’t be held responsible for everything the First Order does.”

               “But I betrayed you, all of you. How can you be so calm, Rey? Why are you so good?” Kylo asked. “How can you just forgive me like that?”

               “I haven’t Kylo, not yet.” Rey’s voice cracked, as though she were fighting tears. “I’m sure when this is all over, I’ll be furious. I won’t even be able to look at you. You put me through so much, you made me hurt in ways I didn’t even know I could. But there’s no time to dwell on the past right now. You’re here, that’s what matters.”

               “I’m sorry,” Kylo whispered, putting a hand on Rey’s shoulder. “I never meant to hurt you.”

               “Just forget it,” Rey mumbled, shrugging the hand away. “Focus on finding the fleet.”

               “Rey, we need to talk about this,” Kylo insisted. He couldn’t just let it go, he had to know how Rey was feeling. More importantly, he knew she had to let it out.

               Rey peered out the window, pretending to search for Leia’s troops. “I don’t really think now’s the best time.”

               “We may not get another chance.”

               Rey turned to look at him, the anger and hurt clear on her face. “Fine! You want to talk? You want to hear about how you broke my heart? How you completely betrayed me? How I’ll never trust anyone again? You abandoned me Kylo, just like everyone else in my life.”

               “It wasn’t about you Rey.” Kylo struggled to find the words to explain. “I felt like I was dying…like I was being suffocated by the sins of my past. And Snoke, he kept whispering to me. He knew exactly how I was feeling. He offered me forgiveness, he offered me a home. I felt like I was going back where I belonged.”

               “You belonged with me,” Rey snapped. “I tried so hard to help you and you just gave up. You went running back to Snoke like everyone said you would.”

               “Rey, please. Try to understand,” Kylo pleaded. “You don’t know what it was like for me on that base.”

               “I wanted to Kylo,” Rey said sadly. “I tried to get you to talk to me, to open up. But you wouldn’t let me in.”

               “You had enough to worry about.” The excuse sounded pathetic, even to Kylo. Why hadn’t he wanted to talk to Rey? What had he been so afraid of? Rey would have done anything to help him. She believed in him. Then, suddenly, it all made sense. “I… I didn’t want to disappoint you,” he whispered. “You had so much faith in me. You believed in me when no one else did. How could I tell you about Snoke? I didn’t want to let you down.”

               “Let me down?” Rey looked caught between surprise and irritation. “ Kylo, you didn’t have to be alone. We could have figured it out together.”

                “I thought I could handle it,” Kylo muttered.

               Rey rolled her eyes. “Well, that went well.”

               Kylo smiled in spite of himself. “Yeah, I pretty much fucked that up.”

               “I don’t think you could have done any worse,” Rey said, beginning to giggle.

               Kylo laughed too. It felt good. “Freaked out, ran away. Came back, had sex, ran away again. I’d say I handled it pretty well.”

               “Top notch decision making,” Rey laughed.

               “The best,” Kylo agreed.

                “I’m still mad at you,” Rey said. She’d stopped giggling, though her smile remained firmly in place.

               “I know,” Kylo replied. “You have every right to be.”

               “Kylo?” Rey’s smile was gone.

               “Yeah?”

               “We should have reached the fleet by now. I think something’s wrong.”

              

 

                


 


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo make it to the battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the positive feedback, you guys rock! Just a few more chapters to go.

The outline of Tatooine appeared on the horizon. Still, there were no ships in sight. General Organa and the rest of the Resistance were nowhere to be found. Rey slammed her hands down in frustration.

               “We’re too late!” she cried. “Shit! They must have already landed.”

               Kylo sighed. “So much for warning them about the ambush.”

               “I’ll bring the ship down,” Rey said, trying to keep her cool. “Do you know where the base is?”

               “What’s the point?” Kylo asked. “We’ll be heading into a slaughter. And it’s all my fault.”

               “Come on,” Rey snapped, her calm demeanor slipping. “We talked about this, Kylo. And we don’t have time for your self-pity. Where’s the base?”

               Kylo leaned over and punched some coordinates into the ship’s navigation system. Rey let go of the controls, allowing the ship’s autopilot to take over. Kylo sank back into his seat and buried his face in his hands. Rey reached over and put a hand on his shoulder.

               “I’m sorry I snapped, Kylo. Your mother’s going to be fine. She’s the toughest person I’ve ever met.”

               Kylo looked up. “I hope so. If something happens to her, I don’t know what I’ll do. I can’t be responsible for the deaths of two parents.”

               Rey was startled. Kylo’d never mentioned Han’s death before. Neither had she. There was no point, it wasn’t like talking about it would have changed anything and Rey wouldn’t have known what to say anyway. But it had always been there, a gap between them.

               “This isn’t your fault,” Rey whispered.

               “What happened to my father was,” Kylo insisted.

               “You weren’t yourself back then,” Rey reminded him. “You were just following Snoke’s orders.”

               “I didn’t do anything I didn’t want to do. I was so angry with him.” Kylo turned to look out the window. “Sometimes I still can’t believe I did it,” he whispered.

               “You’re different now,” Rey told him. “I know you are.”

               “Sometimes I’m not so sure. Look at what’s happened.  
               “This is completely different,” Rey insisted. “And besides, you’re trying. That’s what’s important. That you keep trying.”

               “And I will, Rey.” Kylo took Rey’s hand. “I promise.”

               The ship entered the atmosphere, shaking and raddling its occupants. Kylo leaned forward, as though it would make the ship go faster. “I’m going to save my mother, Rey. And I’m going to protect you, no matter what happens.”

               “I can protect myself,” Rey said as she prepped the ship for landing.

               “I know, I know.” Kylo smiled. “I forgot how stubborn you are.”

               “You love me for it,” Rey said with a grin.

               Kylo grew serious. “I do. More than anything.”

               The ground came in to view. Rey could see the base, small buildings scattered around the sandy landscape, surrounded by a fence. She could also see the ships on the Resistance fleet parked nearby. Then, to her horror, she caught sight of another fleet. The sleek, shiny ships of the First Order dotted the ground around the base, effectively trapping those belonging to the Resistance. The ambush had been a success. General Organa and her troops had expected to surprise the First Order. Instead, they were the ones that had been surprised. Rey could only hope she and Kylo weren’t too late to help.

               “Get ready for landing,” she told Kylo. “Touch down may be rough.”

               Kylo nodded, leaning back into his seat and fastening his belt. The ship touched down, bouncing a few times over the sand dunes.

               “Come one,” Rey cried, freeing herself from the pilot’s chair. “We’ve got to help them!”

               She raced out of the ship, Kylo following closely behind. They ran past the abandoned ship to the gates of the base, which had been forced open. Inside, there was complete chaos. Blasters fired, people screamed. Bodies covered the ground.

               “I need to find my mother,” Kylo yelled, trying to be heard over the noise. A solider ran by, Kylo grabbed him by the arm. “Where’s the general?” he asked.

               “Why would I tell you, traitor?” the man snapped.

               “Please,” Kylo begged. “I need to know that she’s alright.”

               The solider sighed, relenting. “Last I saw; she was over by the mess hall. She and a few others took it and are trying to hold it.”

               “Trying?” Kylo asked.

               “Well there’s only so many of us. We were completely overwhelmed. They threw everything they had at us.” The man shook his head. “You should have stayed away, kid. If any of us make it out of here alive, it’ll be a miracle.”

              

              

                             


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia gets a shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and hopefully sweet. I was really wanting to get this out but unfortunately life is crazy!

Leia Organa stood on the roof of the mess, firing at the Stormtroopers below. Needless to say, the mission hadn’t gone as planned. It was supposed to be easy, a simple hit and run with few casualties. She’d planned the whole thing out so carefully, every last detail. Still, everything had gone wrong. The First Order had known about the attack. They’d been there, waiting. Leia cringed to think of the empty base she’d left behind, of all the people she’d put in danger. Suddenly, a blaster bolt flew by her head, snapping her attention back to the battle.

               “General, we can’t hold out much longer!” one of her men yelled from across the roof. “There’s just too many!”

               “I know!” Leia replied. “We need to retreat!”

               “How? They have us trapped.”

               Leia didn’t know how to respond. Forget completing the mission, how were they going to make it out of here alive? She’d put all these people in danger, how was she going to save them?

               “I’ll think of something,” she muttered. “I have to.”

               The First Order troops continued to advance. Leia looked around, hoping to see backup and finding none. However, something else, someone else, caught her eye. Her son was there, running toward the mess as fast as his legs could carry him. His blood red saber crackled as though it were on fire, his black cloak flew behind him. Leia’s heart ached. Not only was she going to be responsible for this humiliating defeat, her son was going to be there to witness it. He was going to be a part of it. Once she was dead, his final link to the light would be gone.  Well no, that wasn’t exactly true. There was always Rey…

               Just then, Kylo finally made it to the mess. To Leia’s surprise, Rey came running up behind him. So, Rey had betrayed her now too. Leia was hurt but not terribly surprised. Everyone left her, one way or another. Fighting tears, she raised her blaster.

               “General Organa!” Rey yelled. She ignited her saber and launched herself at the group of Stormtroopers. Kylo did the same. Slowly, Leia lowered her blaster.

               “We’re here to help!” Kylo cried. He drove his saber through the chest of a trooper and pulled it out with a grunt.

               “Why should I believe that?” Leia snapped. She fired her blaster an approaching solider, hitting him square in the face. “I could never trust you again.”

               “You’re right Mom…General Organa.” Kylo struggled with two Stormtroopers, throwing one to the ground before stabbing the other with his saber. “I don’t deserve your trust; I’m not asking for you to trust me. I’m not asking for your forgiveness; I don’t deserve that either.” The solider he’d thrown to the ground jumped back up and caught Kylo in a choke hold. Rey raced over and stabbed him in the back with her blue saber.

               “If you aren’t looking for forgiveness, why are you here?” Leia asked.

               “Because it’s the right thing to do!” Kylo replied. “I’ve fucked everything up, as long as I can remember I’ve been fucking everything up. I just want to do the right thing for once.”

               Having fought their way through the crowd, Rey and Kylo made it to the mess. Leia’s troops jumped down from the roof. Kylo extended a leather gloved hand, offering to help Leia down from the roof. After hesitating for a moment, she took it.

               “Come on then,” she said. “You want to do the right thing? Fine, follow me.”

              

 

              

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm back! So sorry for the long delay but school was absolutely crazy this semester. Now Christmas break is here and I plan to spend it writing! This story will be wrapping up in just a few days, then on to a new project! Thanks for sticking with me this long, you guys make me smile.

 

              

      

“We’ve got to get everyone out of here,” Leia said as she jumped down from the roof. “Gather the troops and get them to the ships.”

               “Not happening!” Kylo replied, yelling to be heard over the sounds of the battle. “They surrounded your ships, probably destroyed them by now. We’re trapped.”

               Rey’s heart sunk. What were they going to do? She looked at all the destruction around her, saw the bodies, heard the screams. The sharp, metallic smell of blood pieced the air. Rey began to feel dizzy. She saw Leia and Kylo’s lips moving but couldn’t understand what they said.  When they ran, she made no move to follow them.

               “Rey, come on!” Kylo cried, snapping her out of it. He ran back and grabbed her hand, yanking her forward. Rey forced her legs to move.

               “Where are we going?” she asked.

               “Gathering what troops we can.”

               Rey frowned. “And then what?”

               Kylo stopped and gazed at Rey. He reached out and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear.               “We make a last stand,” he said.

               So this was it. All those lonely nights on Jakku, all the days training with Luke. Her few fleeting weeks with Kylo. It had all been leading up to this, to this day. Today she was going to make a difference, even if she had to die doing it. “All right then, let’s go,” she said finally.

               They followed Leia to a rundown building surrounded by Stormtroopers. Leia drew her blaster, Kylo and Rey their sabers. Rey tried not to think of Finn as she drove her sword into the Stormtroopers chests. She couldn’t stand to think of them as human. The trio finally broke through the horde of soldiers and entered the shack, finding a group of Resistance fighters huddled inside.

               “Is anyone hurt?” Rey asked the bedraggled group.

               “No,” one of soldiers replied, wiping the sweat from her forehead. “Just trapped.” She sounded weary.

               “Do you know where any other units are?” Leia asked. “We need to organize.”

               “There was a group over by the barracks I think,” another solider offered.

               “Ok, I’ll go with you to find them,” Leia said. “ B-Kylo, Rey, you go look  other survivors. Meet back here in ten.”

               “Alright.” Kylo started out the door.

               “Wait!” Leia cried. She reached out, touching Kylo lightly on the shoulder. “Good luck, son. “

               Kylo almost smiled. “You too, Mom.” He ran out, Rey following close behind.

               “Where should we start?” Kylo asked.

               “I’m not sure, maybe over by the…oh shit!” Rey exclaimed.

               “What is it?” Kylo’s eyes were wide with panic. “Are you Ok?”

               “Finn! Finn is here somewhere; he went with your mother!” Rey was suddenly frantic. “We’ve got to find him!”

               “Are you sure he’s here?”

               “Yeah, he wasn’t part of the rear guard!”

               “We’ll find him,” Kylo promised.

               “But what about gathering troops?” Rey asked.

               “We’ll do that along the way,” Kylo said.

               They sprinted off into the chaos of the battle, fighting their way through the crowd of Stormtroopers.

               “Over there!” Rey shouted, pointing to a supply station. An X- wing lay smoking near the door. She and Kylo entered the building, searching for survivors in the semi-darkness.

               “Rey?” a weak voice called out. “Is that you?”

               “Poe!” Rey raced over and knelt by Poe Dameron’s side. He lay on the ground, blood pouring from a gash in his forehead.       

               “It’s nothing,” the pilot insisted. “Just had kind of a rough landing.”

               “What happened?” Rey asked as she examined the wound.

               “I was supposed to provide cover from the air but they were waiting for us. Plane got shot down before I could even think.” Poe sighed. “I managed to get out of the wreckage but I could barely move. I had to drag myself here.”

               Rey ripped a piece of fabric off her tunic, tying a makeshift bandage around Poe’s head. “This should help stop the bleeding,” she said.

               “My head hurts but it’s my leg that’s the problem. I think it might be broken.”

               “Ok, umm, we’ll just have to carry you somehow,” Rey said. “Kylo, get over here and help me!”

               “Forget it, Rey,” Poe insisted. “You won’t make it ten feet with me slowing you down.”

               Rey started to tell Poe that she’d rather die than leave him behind, that she’d never be able to live with herself if she did. Shockingly, Kylo beat her to it.

               “You forget it, Dameron,” he snapped. “If you think we’re leaving you here, you’re insane.”

               He pulled Poe into his arms, carrying him like a ragdoll.

               “Well, this is more than a little embarrassing,” Poe said, chuckling in spite of himself. “Now, where are we going?”

               “Gathering survivors to make a last stand,” Rey told him. “And to find Finn. Any idea where he could be?”

               Poe shook his head. “No idea, but let’s get looking.”

              

 

              

              

              

              

              

 

        

 

              

              

              

              

              

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things continue to get sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more chapter to go!

Rey ran through the base, wildly searching for any sign of Finn.  He was nowhere to be seen and she found herself growing frantic. What if they didn’t find him? Then again, maybe it didn’t matter at all. The way things were looking, they were all going to die anyway. There were enemies everywhere, there was no way out.

               Entering what appeared to be some sort of bunk house, she scanned the room for her friend. Nothing. She sprinted into the identical building next door, again finding nothing. Groaning in frustration, Rey ran back outside. She found herself caught in the middle of a skirmish, with resistance fighters on one side and Stormtroopers on the other. A group of troopers swarmed her, surrounding her from all sides. Rey barely managed to fend them off with her saber.

               “The General is waiting over by the storage barracks!” Rey yelled to the soldiers. “We need everyone to gather there!” She turned to run in the opposite direction.

               “What about you?” one of the soldiers asked.

               “There’s something I’ve got to do first,” she replied.

               “Rey!” Kylo called out. Balancing the injured Poe in his arms, he was struggling to keep up with his panic-stricken girlfriend. “Hang on a minute!” He stopped to catch his breath. “We have to go back.”

               “There’s no time!” Rey cried. “Kylo, I don’t know what I’ll do if we can’t find him.”

               “Listen, Rey,” Poe said. “Finn is my friend too. You know that. But he wouldn’t want us to abandon our mission.”

               Kylo nodded sadly. “We have to gather survivors and get to the meeting point. I’m sorry Rey but we have no choice.”

               “What was it you were just saying? That it would be crazy to leave Poe behind? And now you’re telling me we should just abandon Finn? No way in hell.”

               “That was different, Rey,” Kylo insisted. “If Finn was here, in front of us, that would be one thing. But we don’t even know where he is.” Kylo lowered his voice. “He could already be dead.”

               Rey was horrified. “How could you say that? You said we would find him! You promised me!”

               “I’m sorry but you know it’s the truth. Please, we have to save whoever we can. We have to fight, one last time. We can’t abandon everyone else.”

               “He’s right, Rey,” Poe chimed in. “I’m sorry.”

               Rey knew they were right, though she could already feel her heart breaking. “Alright then. Let’s go.”

               They made their way back to the rendezvous point, joining the mob of soldiers gathered there. Rey was dismayed to see the small size of the group. Were they really going to be able to make a difference. Kylo seemed to be able to read her mind.

               “We’ll do what we can, Rey. Isn’t that what you told me?”

               Despite the hopelessness of their situation, Rey smiled. She turned to look at Leia, who stood on a crate to address the group.

               “Our goal is to take the landing area,” she announced. “We’ll attack from both sides, one group from the left, the other from the right. Take out as many troopers as you can. On the way there, try to look like you don’t know where you’re going. We want them to think there’s no plan, that this is just pure chaos.” She sighed. “I’m going to be honest with you. Our chances are slim. But we have to try. If we take even one ship, if even one of us gets out of here, then I’ll take that as a victory.”

               The General stopped again, finding her son in the crowd. If Rey hadn’t known any better, she’d have thought Leia was fighting tears. She cleared her throat and addressed the group one last time. “And I just wanted all of you to know, it’s been a pleasure serving with you.”

              

              

              

 


End file.
